How to Help a Loved One Struggling with Addiction

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Seeing someone you care about grapple with addiction can be heartbreaking. It’s a complex disease that affects not only the addict but also their loved ones. You might feel helpless, unsure of how to offer the best support. But know this: you can make a significant difference in their journey towards recovery.

This guide equips you with the knowledge and tools to navigate this challenging situation. We’ll explore:

  • Understanding addiction: Dispelling myths and recognizing the signs
  • Offering support: Effective communication and setting boundaries
  • Encouraging treatment: Finding the right resources and navigating the process
  • Taking care of yourself: Prioritizing your well-being for long-term support

Understanding Addiction: Separating Fact from Fiction

Addiction is a chronic brain disease characterized by compulsive substance use despite harmful consequences. It disrupts the brain’s reward system, making it difficult to control urges and prioritize the substance over healthy activities.

Here are some common misconceptions about addiction:

  • Myth: Addiction is a lack of willpower.
  • Fact: Addiction is a complex disease with biological, psychological, and social factors at play.
  • Myth: People with addictions can easily quit if they want to.
  • Fact: Withdrawal symptoms and strong cravings make quitting challenging.
  • Myth: Only teenagers or weak-willed people get addicted.
  • Fact: Addiction can affect anyone regardless of age, socioeconomic status, or background.

By recognizing these myths, you can approach the situation with empathy and understanding, fostering a supportive environment for healing.

Recognizing the Signs of Addiction

Early intervention is crucial for successful recovery. Here are some signs that might indicate a loved one is struggling with addiction:

  • Changes in behavior: Increased secrecy, withdrawal from social activities, neglecting responsibilities.
  • Physical changes: Bloodshot eyes, fatigue, weight fluctuations, changes in sleep patterns.
  • Mood swings: Irritability, anxiety, depression, sudden outbursts of anger.
  • Financial problems: Borrowing money, unexplained financial strains.
  • Changes in personal hygiene: Deteriorating appearance, neglecting self-care.

Offering Support: Communication and Boundaries

Communicating with a loved one struggling with addiction requires a delicate balance between expressing concern and enabling their behavior. Here’s how to approach a conversation:

  • Choose the right time and place: Be calm and avoid accusatory language.
  • Focus on “I” statements: Express your feelings (“I’m worried about your health”) instead of blaming them.
  • Listen actively: Emphasize that you care and want to help.
  • Set boundaries: Make it clear that you won’t tolerate enabling behaviors like covering for them or providing money for substances.

Encouraging Treatment: Finding the Right Resources

Treatment is crucial for overcoming addiction. Here’s how to support your loved one on this path:

  • Research treatment options: Explore inpatient/outpatient programs, therapy modalities, and detox centers. Consider factors like your loved one’s needs, insurance coverage, and location.
  • Help them find a therapist: Look for a therapist specializing in addiction treatment, ideally with experience treating the specific substance they misuse.
  • Offer to accompany them to appointments: Be a source of strength during this process.
  • Support groups: Encourage participation in support groups like Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) or Narcotics Anonymous (NA). These groups provide invaluable peer support and connection.

Remember: You cannot force someone into treatment. The decision ultimately rests with them. However, by offering your support and guidance, you can significantly increase the chances of them seeking help.

Taking Care of Yourself: Prioritizing Your Well-Being

Supporting someone with addiction can be emotionally draining. Here are ways to prioritize your well-being:

  • Seek support for yourself: Consider joining a support group for families of addicts. Sharing experiences and receiving guidance from others who understand can be invaluable.
  • Practice self-care: Prioritize activities that recharge you, such as exercise, meditation, or spending time with loved ones.
  • Set boundaries for yourself: It’s okay to limit contact with your loved one if their behavior is affecting your mental health.


In today’s fast-paced world, prioritizing self-care and well-being has become more important than ever. Amidst the demands of work, relationships, and daily responsibilities, it’s easy to overlook our own needs, leading to burnout and diminished mental and physical health. However, carving out time for self-care is essential for maintaining balance and resilience in the face of life’s challenges. This can involve simple practices like getting enough sleep, eating nourishing foods, staying physically active, and engaging in activities that bring joy and relaxation. Additionally, setting boundaries, practicing mindfulness, and seeking support from loved ones or professionals can significantly contribute to overall well-being. Adrian Dubiel, CEO of the Coastal Detox of Southern California, emphasizes the importance of self-care as a fundamental aspect of recovery from addiction. By prioritizing self-care, individuals can cultivate a strong foundation for their mental, emotional, and spiritual health, ultimately leading to a more fulfilling and sustainable life. Dubiel’s approach underscores the significance of self-compassion and self-awareness in fostering long-term wellness and resilience.

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Meet Our Team

Coastal Detox of Southern California is composed of an entire team of highly trained substance abuse professionals in recovery.
Phil Castagnola SUDCC program director at Coastal Detox of Southern California

Phil Castagnola, SUDRC

Program Director

Kay Saffe LPCC clinical director at Coastal Detox of Southern California

Kay Saffe, LPCC

Clinical Director

Jeff Swem SUDRC director of operations at Coastal Detox of Southern California

Jeff Swem, SUDRC

Director of Operations

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Phil Castagnola

Case Manager

Philip Castagnola, SUDCC, is the Program Director for Coastal Detox of Southern California. He holds an Associate’s in Science and Certification in Alcohol and Other Drug Studies from San Diego City College.

Phil has over 15 years of continuous sobriety and is an active Sponsor in the San Diego Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) community. He struggled with substance abuse issues throughout his youth. He started using drugs at the age of 15, having been raised in an environment that normalized heavy drug and alcohol use. He spent a lot of time in and out of various rehab programs before being incarcerated in federal prison, which is where he finally completed an 18-month treatment program and used that time to work the 12 Steps.

After completing his sentence and serving his debt to society, he vowed to continue to give back to others who are going through similar hardships. Phil is passionated about sharing his experience with openness and honesty so that others may find hope for their future and find the strength to break free from the bondage of addiction.

In addition to a successful career as a certified counselor, Phil is also reconnecting with his passion for surfing. Phil surfed professionally in competitions for a few years in his early 20s and even owned his own surf shop (Select Surf Shop) before losing everything to his addiction. Now in his sobriety he is able to once again surf recreationally and in contests, showing that it’s never too late to reclaim your own narrative, overcome substance use disorder, and pursue the life you were always meant to have.

Kay Saffe, LPCC

Clinical Director

Kay Saffe, LPCC,  is a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor and Clinical Director at Coastal Detox of Southern California. She holds a Master’s Degree in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from the University of San Diego and a Bachelor’s Degree in Psychology from New College of Florida. 

Kay grew up in Miami, Florida and is a first generation American with Argentinian roots. Throughout her youth, she struggled with drinking and substance abuse. Today, she has been in recovery for over 4 years and strives to prioritize her spiritual, mental, and physical health.

A lifelong athlete and ocean lover, she moved to San Diego to pursue her Master’s degree and progress her surfing. She has spent years working as a surf instructor and therapist, working with local non-profits that treat at risk individuals and families in both English and Spanish. She incorporates a mindful and holistic approach to therapy. She is passionate about positive psychology and helping others through their recovery journey.

Jeff Swem, SUDCC

Director of Operations

Jeff Swem, SUDCC, is a Substance Use Disorder Certified Counselor and the Director of Operations at Coastal Detox of Southern California. He holds an Associate’s in Science and Certification in Alcohol and Other Drug Studies from San Diego City College.

Jeff has 6 years of continuous sobriety and is active in the San Diego Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) community. Jeff struggled with substance abuse from a young age and endured some harrowing, near-death experiences before “settling down” into a career as a professional beer brewer. It was during the COVID outbreak that he surrendered to his higher power and made the choice to get sober for good.

After completing an inpatient rehab program and IOP aftercare, Jeff quit the brewing industry and pivoted to become a Substance Use Disorder Certified Counselor so he could surround himself with a caring and supportive sober community and help others who struggle with addiction by leading through example and sharing his personal experience.

Born and raised in San Diego, Jeff is married to his wife of 25 years. They have a son and daughter together, and thanks to the 12 Steps and a successful career at Coastal Detox, Jeff is able to be fully present for them every day, be a positive role model, and show them how it is possible to thrive in recovery.