Standing by Them: How to Help a Loved One Struggling with Addiction

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Seeing someone you care about grapple with addiction can be heartbreaking. It’s a complex disease that affects not only the addict but also their loved ones. You might feel helpless, unsure of how to offer the best support. But know this: you can make a significant difference in their journey towards recovery.

This guide equips you with the knowledge and tools to navigate this challenging situation. We’ll explore:

  • Understanding addiction: Dispelling myths and recognizing the signs
  • Offering support: Effective communication and setting boundaries
  • Encouraging treatment: Finding the right resources and navigating the process
  • Taking care of yourself: Prioritizing your well-being for long-term support

Understanding Addiction: Separating Fact from Fiction

Addiction is a chronic brain disease characterized by compulsive substance use despite harmful consequences. It disrupts the brain’s reward system, making it difficult to control urges and prioritize the substance over healthy activities.

Here are some common misconceptions about addiction:

  • Myth: Addiction is a lack of willpower.
  • Fact: Addiction is a complex disease with biological, psychological, and social factors at play.
  • Myth: People with addictions can easily quit if they want to.
  • Fact: Withdrawal symptoms and strong cravings make quitting challenging.
  • Myth: Only teenagers or weak-willed people get addicted.
  • Fact: Addiction can affect anyone regardless of age, socioeconomic status, or background.

By recognizing these myths, you can approach the situation with empathy and understanding, fostering a supportive environment for healing.

Recognizing the Signs of Addiction

Early intervention is crucial for successful recovery. Here are some signs that might indicate a loved one is struggling with addiction:

  • Changes in behavior: Increased secrecy, withdrawal from social activities, neglecting responsibilities.
  • Physical changes: Bloodshot eyes, fatigue, weight fluctuations, changes in sleep patterns.
  • Mood swings: Irritability, anxiety, depression, sudden outbursts of anger.
  • Financial problems: Borrowing money, unexplained financial strains.
  • Changes in personal hygiene: Deteriorating appearance, neglecting self-care.

Offering Support: Communication and Boundaries

Communicating with a loved one struggling with addiction requires a delicate balance between expressing concern and enabling their behavior. Here’s how to approach a conversation:

  • Choose the right time and place: Be calm and avoid accusatory language.
  • Focus on “I” statements: Express your feelings (“I’m worried about your health”) instead of blaming them.
  • Listen actively: Emphasize that you care and want to help.
  • Set boundaries: Make it clear that you won’t tolerate enabling behaviors like covering for them or providing money for substances.

Encouraging Treatment: Finding the Right Resources

Treatment is crucial for overcoming addiction. Here’s how to support your loved one on this path:

  • Research treatment options: Explore inpatient/outpatient programs, therapy modalities, and detox centers. Consider factors like your loved one’s needs, insurance coverage, and location.
  • Help them find a therapist: Look for a therapist specializing in addiction treatment, ideally with experience treating the specific substance they misuse.
  • Offer to accompany them to appointments: Be a source of strength during this process.
  • Support groups: Encourage participation in support groups like Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) or Narcotics Anonymous (NA). These groups provide invaluable peer support and connection.

Remember: You cannot force someone into treatment. The decision ultimately rests with them. However, by offering your support and guidance, you can significantly increase the chances of them seeking help.

Taking Care of Yourself: Prioritizing Your Well-Being

Supporting someone with addiction can be emotionally draining. Here are ways to prioritize your well-being:

  • Seek support for yourself: Consider joining a support group for families of addicts. Sharing experiences and receiving guidance from others who understand can be invaluable.
  • Practice self-care: Prioritize activities that recharge you, such as exercise, meditation, or spending time with loved ones.
  • Set boundaries for yourself: It’s okay to limit contact with your loved one if their behavior is affecting your mental health.


In today’s fast-paced world, prioritizing self-care and well-being has become more important than ever. Amidst the demands of work, relationships, and daily responsibilities, it’s easy to overlook our own needs, leading to burnout and diminished mental and physical health. However, carving out time for self-care is essential for maintaining balance and resilience in the face of life’s challenges. This can involve simple practices like getting enough sleep, eating nourishing foods, staying physically active, and engaging in activities that bring joy and relaxation. Additionally, setting boundaries, practicing mindfulness, and seeking support from loved ones or professionals can significantly contribute to overall well-being. Adrian Dubiel, CEO of the Coastal Detox of Southern California, emphasizes the importance of self-care as a fundamental aspect of recovery from addiction. By prioritizing self-care, individuals can cultivate a strong foundation for their mental, emotional, and spiritual health, ultimately leading to a more fulfilling and sustainable life. Dubiel’s approach underscores the significance of self-compassion and self-awareness in fostering long-term wellness and resilience.

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Meet Our Team

Coastal Detox of Southern California is composed of an entire team of highly trained substance abuse professionals in recovery.
phil castagnola surdrc program director

Phil Castagnola, SUDRC

Program Director

kay saffe lpcc clinical director

Kay Saffe, LPCC

Clinical Director

jeff swem sudrc director of operations

Jeff Swem, SUDRC

Director of Operations

Coastal Detox of Southern California is only a call away.

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Standing by Them: How to Help a Loved One Struggling with Addiction

Phil Castagnola

Case Manager

Philip was born and raised in San Diego. He grew up with parents who were functioning alcoholics /addicts. This led to adopting a faulty belief system from a very early age that using drugs and alcohol was an acceptable way to live. The belief system made it normal for him to begin using substances at the age of 15.
Philip has been a surfer his entire life and competed professionally for a few years in his 20’s. He has primarily worked in the surf industry. He eventually opened his own surf shop (Select Surf Shop) in the early 2000’s. His addiction eventually got the better of him and after losing his business and his family in 2006 he spent the next 3 years in and out of rehabs trying to recover. His substance abuse issues eventually landed him in federal prison. He used his time wisely and started working the steps of alcoholics anonymous and completing an 18-month treatment program. 
Philip was the primary caregiver for his mom who was permanently bedridden for the last 4 years. When covid hit he decided to pursue one of his goals and began going to school to become a substance abuse counselor.

After struggling with substance abuse issues for over 20 years philip now has 1 years of continuous sobriety and works a program of recovery givi4ng back to other addicts and alcoholics through sponsorship in the program of AA.

Philip studied AODS at San Diego City College and he is now completing his internship here at Coastal Detox of Southern California.

Philip’s main passion is sharing his experience, strength and hope with others who struggle with substance abuse issues. Helping others through their journey of getting and remaining free of their bondage of addiction.

Kay Saffe LPCC

Clinical Director

Kay Saffe grew up in Miami, Florida and is a first generation American with Argentinian roots. She struggled with drinking and substances, especially throughout her youth. Today, she has been in recovery for years and strives to prioritize her spiritual, mental, and physical health.

A lifelong athlete and ocean lover, she moved to San Diego to pursue a Master’s degree in counseling at the University of San Diego and progress her surfing. She has spent years working as a surf instructor and therapist, working with local non-profits that treat at risk individuals and families in English and Spanish. She incorporates a mindful and holistic approach to therapy. She is passionate about positive psychology and helping others through their recovery journey.

Jeff Swem, SUDRC

Director of Operations

Jeff was born and raised in San Diego, and spent much of his youth living blocks from where our residential housing is located.  He spent his teenage years skateboarding up and down the surrounding streets, and enjoying the Pacific Beach life in the 80’s/early 90’s. 

Jeff got to know the darker side of addiction early in life, with three near-death experiences in a row happening within a year.  He “settled down” into alcohol, and later in life became a professional brewer, but that too proved to be too cunning, baffling, and powerful a draw.  During Covid, he felt no choice but to surrender, and made the decision to get sober.  He attended a similar program to our own, and after completing the 30 days inpatient and attending IOP aftercare, he was able to forge a strong foundation of sobriety.  He has not found a reason to pick up a drink since the day that he checked into that detox.  After quitting the brewing gig (because of course, he had little choice there), he enrolled in the AODS program at City College with his sights on a new career of helping others.  Having completed the requirements involved, he went on to earn his certification in California for Substance Use Disorder Certified Counselor.

Jeff is married to his wife of nearly 25 years with a 21 year old daughter and 18 year old son, and thanks to the 12 steps, surrounding himself with a caring and supportive sober community, and coming to terms with his alcoholism, is able to lead others struggling with addiction through example and personal experience.